An Open Letter In Two Short Acts

Act I — An email from an unknown person to me, discovered in my inbox this morning:

Compliment, Your support is needed for the transfer and investment of funds which belongs to my late client who share similar surnames with you. Contact me if interested..

Act II — My reply, posted here rather than emailed (as I have blocked the address of the sender):


Your compliance is needed with rule for the deletion and blocking of unwanted emailed attempts to con me out of money and/or personal information. You will not contact me again.

P.S. That said…props for boiling the so-called Nigerian Scam (and its near variants) down so efficiently! Remove a word here and there, and that sucker’s tweetworthy! Compliment!

I mean it, dude.


[I find myself wanting to make the whole thing into bad haiku…or possibly a parody of William Carlos Williams.]


About L. M. Bernhardt

For a good long while (15 years or so), I taught philosophy at a little private university in northwest IA, and occasionally branched out into playing music, dabbling in photography, experimenting with food, and writing nonsense on my blog. The philosophy teaching part ended in 2017 (program elimination via prioritization), but never fear! I've just finished my MLIS at San Jose State University, and I'm currently on the market looking for new adventures in either philosophy or LIS. For now, I labor at a fairly interesting administrative job in order to support my dogs in the lavish manner to which they've become accustomed.
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