After receiving much helpful feedback (in the form of words, assorted canine protests, and teeth), young Buddy has submitted a revised version of his proposed daily routine schedule for the household to consider. The new schedule is as follows:
Wake up (after a reluctant but still reasonably fulfilling sleep)
Go out. Run around a lot.
Human attempts to eat. Buddy attempts to steal food directly from human’s mouth.
[Human objects. Buddy insists that it is a healthy way to keep humans active and aware, and may also assist in weight loss efforts. Human is skeptical.]
[Other dogs and human: “What the…?” Buddy: contorts himself, scoots along the floor on his head with his butt in the air and attempts to bite everything in his path.]
Dogs go out AS MANY TIMES AS IT FUCKING TAKES
[Buddy: “Oh, come on. A guy has one little accident…” Human: “AS MANY TIMES AS IT FUCKING TAKES FURBALL.”]
Human may leave for a few minutes, if necessary
[Human: Is glad that dogs really can’t tell time.]
Human returns, and gives dogs treats until dogs get tired of asking for treats
[Human: “Yeah. That’s not really going to happen.” All dogs: “WHHHHHYYYYYY?”]
Dogs go out. Run around a lot.
STOP. Piranha Time!
[Everyone but Buddy: *sigh*]
Dinner for all!
MORE PIRANHA TIME! PIRANHA TIME FOREVVVVVEEEERRRR!
[Human: “You know, I do actually have work to do here…” Other dogs: “Dude, this is getting really old. Kind of like us.” Buddy: “RAWR!”
Obviously this schedule proposal contains some accommodations for the non-Buddy members of the group, but it still requires extensive revision. We will take the matter up again next week.