Conversations With Small Dogs, Continued

Scene: A sloppy woman Of A Certain Age in a disreputable gray sweater is sitting on a couch. Her computer is on a small table in front of her, and she is trying to type. A roughly 25-lb Rat Terrier with absurdly pointy ears and notably good teeth is sitting beside her, gnawing contentedly on her left arm.

WOMAN: Um, Buddy…can we have a word?


WOMAN: Yes, well. You see, Buddy, I think we need to have a little chat about this thing that you do.

DOG: [Hums That Thing You Do in his head, smiles inwardly while continuing to gnaw on the woman’s arm.]

WOMAN: I mean, you know I love you, right? I think you’re a cute little guy, and I don’t regret taking you in. I don’t mind telling you, it cost me a lot of clout with the other dogs to override their “nay” votes at the meeting where we decided whether to let you stay.


WOMAN: I just want you to understand, Buddy, that what I am about to do is motivated by love, not anger. Please don’t think I don’t like you, or that I don’t care about your happiness.


WOMAN: [Takes out a squirtgun, aims it right between the dog’s eyes, and opens fire. Or, well, water. Whatever. You know what I mean.]

Wet dog, shocked, stops gnawing on her arm and sprints out of the room, shaking his head.

Two other small dogs (another Rat Terrier and an aged Jack Russell terrier), sit nearby and look smug.


About L. M. Bernhardt

For a good long while (15 years or so), I taught philosophy at a little private university in northwest IA, and occasionally branched out into playing music, dabbling in photography, experimenting with food, and writing nonsense on my blog. The philosophy teaching part ended in 2017 (program elimination via prioritization), but never fear! I've just finished my MLIS at San Jose State University, and I'm currently on the market looking for new adventures in either philosophy or LIS. For now, I labor at a fairly interesting administrative job in order to support my dogs in the lavish manner to which they've become accustomed.
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3 Responses to Conversations With Small Dogs, Continued

  1. bob-f says:

    I've heard of tough love, but WET love? :-)


  2. This comment has been removed by the author.


  3. I believe that it is probably OK if I don't make any of the fifteen rather uncouth jokes that come to mind in response to this comment. :)

    Nudge, nudge…


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