Conversations With Small Dogs: The Wake-Up Call

6:30am: I have entered that hazy state in which dreaming and waking overlap. Henry (who sleeps on the bed) kicks me in the ribs. Buddy thumps restlessly on the wall of his crate. Eddie snores. My dreams turn to road construction.

6:35am: The air suddenly becomes so toxic that it is almost impossible to breathe. Eddie takes no responsibility for this, even though he should.

6:45am: Henry’s dreams clearly involve both dancing and singing. Mine involve ninjas.

7:00am: My dreams are rudely interrupted by my phone alarm (Miserlou, extra-loud).

7:05am: I turn off the music and dream of Disney versions of Quentin Tarantino films. The bit with Cinderella beating Mr. White to death with a glass slipper is surprisingly good.

7:10am: Eddie checks on me, because I should have gotten up. I ignore him. Henry ignores him, Buddy believes that he has heard the universal sign for Releasing the Kraken, and starts banging on his crate door.

7:15am: Eddie tries his first official wake-up tactic: he breathes on me, rolling with a +5 bonus for Breath of Foulness. I make a saving roll against being fully wakened and continue to ignore him, although in my half-dreams, I am now swimming in a sewer.

7:30am: Eddie switches tactics and starts to walk on top of me. 15lbs of hairy little menace start bouncing on my stomach. He trips and slides off of my hip, landing squarely on Henry, who expresses his annoyance at being disturbed with both voice and teeth. Buddy whines and starts banging more aggressively on his crate door. *sigh*

7:35am: I give up, get up, and Release the Kraken (i.e. Buddy). It is time for the day to begin.



About L. M. Bernhardt

For a good long while (15 years or so), I taught philosophy at a little private university in northwest IA, and occasionally branched out into playing music, dabbling in photography, experimenting with food, and writing nonsense on my blog. The philosophy teaching part ended in 2017 (program elimination via prioritization), but never fear! I've just finished my MLIS at San Jose State University, and I'm currently on the market looking for new adventures in either philosophy or LIS. For now, I labor at a fairly interesting administrative job in order to support my dogs in the lavish manner to which they've become accustomed.
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