…to the dude who was texting while erratically riding his bicycle (which had no lights or reflectors) in the dim shadows of a poorly-lit parking lot about 30 minutes ago:
Rejoice! I have spared your life on this night! May the recurring remembrance of my infinite mercy, careful attention, and mad driving skillz warm your heart on every February 7 from now until the inevitable heat death of the universe (or whatever)!
You will tell your children of this day.