Me: Buddy, we need to talk.
Buddy: Oh, did you find that cool thing I stashed in the yard a few minutes ago? Wow!
Me: Look, Bud, I know chewers gotta chew, and I have no one to blame but myself for leaving my favorite fingerless gloves where you could find them. I can live with that. I’m just curious about something.
Buddy: Do you want to know what different yarns taste like? I’ve been working on a study.
Me: No, thank you. Wait — you’re what?
Buddy: Yeah, it’s the coolest! I sample different yarn-chewies, rate them for taste and texture, that sort of thing. I’m really making pretty good progress!
Me: *sigh* Great. Just great. No, Buddy, what I was wondering is this: Why the left?
Buddy: *head tilt*
Me: Every shoe or glove you’ve ever destroyed has always been the left shoe or glove of the pair. The right shoe/glove is never touched. What’s up with that? Why the left?
Buddy: Oh, I don’t know. They just seem…
Me: Tastier? Easier to chew?