Conversations With Small Dogs About Sin and Repentance


This is the look of a repentant dog. It is also the look of a no-account canine liar who regrets nothing.

Me: Buddy, we need to talk about some of your recent behavior.

Buddy: Pretty cool stuff, right? Right?!?!

Me: Um…I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing. What do you think you did that was cool?

Buddy: Well, let’s see — yesterday, I did that amazing trick with the butter sticks, and this morning I pre-soaked those paper towels for you. Awesomeness is me! Do you happen to have a cookie handy?

Me: [sputtering for a few moments in disbelief] The “trick” with the butter sticks involved you stealing a whole box from the grocery bags, hustling out to the back yard, and eating as much of it as you could before anyone noticed!

Buddy: I know, right? AMAZING!

Me: [sighing heavily]: No! No, “amazing” was not the word I was looking for. And that’s nothing compared to the “pre-soaking” bit. Why on earth did you just walk over and pee on the new package of paper towels?

Buddy: I thought I’d save you some time.



The true face of Buddy, Canine Menace To All That Is Good and Decent In The World




About L. M. Bernhardt

Deaccessioned philosopher. Occasional Musician. Academic librarian, in original dust jacket. Working to keep my dogs in the lavish manner to which they have become accustomed.
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