Category Archives: Habitrail Critic

Ask not what this movie can do for you…

Posted on November 17, 2019 by L. M. Bernhardt

This is, in a roundabout sort of way, a review of The Report (2019, Amazon Studios). Not the whole thing, of course. Really, it’s more of an executive summary of an even longer and more substantive review that I started … Continue reading →

Posted in aesthetics, Habitrail Critic, review | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Ask not what this movie can do for you…

Putting the “Me” in “Memory”

Posted on October 8, 2017 by L. M. Bernhardt

Blade Runner (pick a cut, any cut) is a popular film for philosophers. In addition to being a fascinating bit of on-screen world-building and fantastic design, it also raises (and variously confuses, depending on which cut you’re watching) issues concerning … Continue reading →

Posted in Habitrail Critic, review, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown…

Posted on March 11, 2017 by L. M. Bernhardt

…especially when said head belongs to a lonely gorilla the size of a building who can’t seem to catch a break. [There will be some spoilers for Kong: Skull Island (2017) here. If you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want … Continue reading →

Posted in Habitrail Critic, review | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown…

Hey! Look! Some Fannish Nattering About Star Wars!

Posted on December 16, 2015 by L. M. Bernhardt

Note: There will be no spoilers here for the new film. I haven’t seen it yet. I will see it. I will not be stopped. When the original Star Wars came out in 1977, I was utterly fascinated — it pretty much … Continue reading →

Posted in aesthetics, Habitrail Critic, random stuff | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Hey! Look! Some Fannish Nattering About Star Wars!

In Which The Habitrail Critic Calls For An Assist From Bob Vila

Posted on October 17, 2015 by L. M. Bernhardt

One of the most important things that Guillermo del Toro does right in Crimson Peak is make the house a character. In a gorgeously shot movie that otherwise breaks no original ground in terms of plot or character, this is a crucial choice for … Continue reading →

Posted in Habitrail Critic, review | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on In Which The Habitrail Critic Calls For An Assist From Bob Vila

In Which The Habitrail Critic Is The Monday Morning Quarterback Ridley Scott Never Knew He Needed

Posted on October 15, 2015 by L. M. Bernhardt

Here’s the thing about The Martian (which I saw this past weekend): Matt Damon is not the problem. I wouldn’t say this film has 99 problems, but whatever number it does have (and it definitely has a nonzero number of problems), … Continue reading →

Posted in aesthetics, Habitrail Critic, review | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on In Which The Habitrail Critic Is The Monday Morning Quarterback Ridley Scott Never Knew He Needed

The Habitrail Critic Hits The Road (Warrior)

Posted on May 17, 2015 by L. M. Bernhardt

OMG OMFG OMMFG Seriously, that’s about all I’ve got where Mad Max: Fury Road is concerned. If I hadn’t been reduced to gibbering incoherence by 2 hours of unrelenting awesomeness, I would probably note, first, that this thing lives up to … Continue reading →

Posted in aesthetics, Habitrail Critic | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on The Habitrail Critic Hits The Road (Warrior)

The Habitrail Critic Ascending

Posted on February 8, 2015 by L. M. Bernhardt

First, a slightly delayed bit of Bad Poem Saturday Sunday in the form of a spoiler-free Haiku Review of Jupiter Ascending: Once more, spectacle has won a grand victory over narrative Huzzah! Now for the spoiler-ish ravings and a bout of … Continue reading →

Posted in Habitrail Critic | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on The Habitrail Critic Ascending

The Habitrail Critic Knows That If We Burn, You Burn With Us

Posted on November 22, 2014 by L. M. Bernhardt

Short version: Mockingjay (Part 1) is an emotionally exhausting film that vindicates my (apparently unpopular) preference for the book from which it was adapted. Long version, with spoilers, follows the cut.

Posted in Habitrail Critic | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on The Habitrail Critic Knows That If We Burn, You Burn With Us

The Habitrail Critic’s Heart Is Several Sizes Too Small

Posted on December 18, 2013 by L. M. Bernhardt

I find myself in a grumpy mood. I’m…well, I’m kind of over this whole holiday thing. This is kind of sad, because once upon a time I remember actually liking Christmas. I can remember there being a sort of quiet, dimly-lit … Continue reading →

Posted in Habitrail Critic | Comments Off on The Habitrail Critic’s Heart Is Several Sizes Too Small